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Christian Chronicles, August 2003 - Volume 7, Issue 92
| The
Editor's Pen | Perspectives | Mid-East
Update | Fruit of the Vine | The
Institution of Marriage |
| The
Head of the Woman is Man | A Father's
Responsibility | Divorce is Not an
Option | A Man Shall
Leave His Father & Mother |
As we approach the end of the Church Age, we find that the devil is working overtime to divert Christians from the vital ministries that God has given us. These are days when the Church ought to be vigorously attacking the sin-darkened, unsaved world with the light of the Gospel of God’s grace, but it seems that, on every front, the devil has found ways to turn our minds from the task at hand and to cause Christians everywhere to focus on one fleshly matter or another. As the world sinks into decadence and depravity, into violence and despair, there is but a single hope upon which the Church should hang her expectations. But what is hopeful for the Church is certainly not hopeful for the world. The only thing that can turn despair into hope is the knowledge of the approaching rapture of the Church, but an individual in a lost world cannot find hope in that until he has been illuminated by the Spirit of God’s grace. That is the task of the Church today. Yet, diversions abound on every hand.
One of the greatest diversions available to the devil is marriage. Even Christians are finding it harder and harder to remain married, and among those who do stay together, an increasing percentage find that their marriages are troubled, so that the home and family become a diversion rather than a support in times of declension and apostasy. As a Christian counselor, I have seen many stable homes interrupted. Though the majority will remain married, working through their problems, the families are so troubled that husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, find it increasingly difficult to focus on spiritual activities on account of the distractions that face them in their temporal lives. This issue of Christian Chronicles will focus on the family and the home as the basis of sound Christian activity in a lost world.
The road map to peace in the Middle East is marked by the mileposts of sluggishness and indifference. Oh, to be sure, the particular people involved on a governmental level, are keenly interested, and the militants have reined in the suicide bombers for the most part, but little progress is being made on any front. Well, the stopping of the bombings is progress, and Israel’s decision to release some Palestinian prisoners is viewed by the Palestinians as progress, but little of a dramatic nature is going on. That is not altogether a bad thing.
Aside from the fact that Israel’s cooperation with the Palestinians can in no way be viewed as positive from any Scriptural perspective, there is also the fact that, when things are not happening in public view, and when the press is not reporting dramatic events, things are usually happening behind closed doors on a diplomatic level that might erupt onto the public stage the next day. A quiet press in the Middle East generally means ongoing diplomacy that is not being released for public perusal. Nations typically do not want to invite public clamor until the diplomats have had a chance to negotiate privately. That is not only true of minor issues, but is all the more true of the great issues that divide nations.
That Israel is negotiating to trade land for peace speaks of how she sees her relationship with God, her spiritual “Husband,” against whom she is committing adultery with the nations of the world. It is akin to a bride bartering away her wedding gift from her husband to some gigolo who is reluctantly courting her. God is uniquely jealous of Israel, and must bring His judgment upon her vigorously for this travesty. Not only has Israel negotiated away the vast territories that God gave her, but she is even now negotiating away parts of Jerusalem itself, God’s only permanent dwelling place on the earth. Israel does not see herself in any sort of unique relationship with God any longer, except nominally, like most of professing Christendom, which is likened to a great whore in Revelation seventeen. It might even be said that Israel is contemptuous of her God for allowing her to suffer the way she has suffered over the millennia. She is that petulant child who resents the chastening hand.
The United States is bringing greater pressure to bear upon the Palestinians, not only to effect the cease fire that has been in place for some time, but also to dismantle those organizations that sponsored the violence in the first place. While the “road map” was originally (supposedly) the mutual effort of what has come to be known as the Quartet — The United States, Russia, the European Union, and the United Nations — it is referred to in the world press as being the American road map, or, more specifically, Bush’s road map. The Quartet may have agreed upon it, but it remains clear from every angle who the primary broker of Middle East peace is today.
This is of utmost importance, because it is the leader of the nation who brokers the treaty that Daniel wrote about (9:27) who will later be known as Antichrist. Do not misunderstand. We are not saying that George W. Bush is the Antichrist. But we are saying what the Scriptures also affirm, that the one person who is the primary maker of peace between Israel and her neighbors is the person who will be indwelt by Satan himself in the final seven years of Gentile dominion over the earth, just prior to the Second Coming of Christ. It may be that the current peace process will collapse altogether, and some new world leader will emerge who is successful in brokering that peace treaty. Or it may be an American, but the peace process might be ongoing for another hundred years before the final breakthrough is achieved, so that it might be many presidents down the road from Bush. But it also might be the sitting president, who has staked much of his reputation on settling the thorny issues of the Middle East.
Whatever the case may be (Christian Chronicles is not in the business of trying to identify the Antichrist by name), the process is leading toward a false peace that will fulfill the predictions of the prophets, and whether it is achieved this year or next, or fifty years hence, the process appears irreversible. The world is now demanding some resolution of the divisions in that region of the world, if only because that is where the bulk of the world’s oil is found. The world is not about to stand down and not demand that the process reach some sort of successful conclusion, even if that conclusion proves in the end to be illusory. Time is marching inexorably toward the Kingdom of the Messiah.
How blessed is the child whose parents save and invest so that the child will have a monetary stake upon which to begin his life in adulthood. Many parents establish trust funds for their children. Some make large cash gifts upon their children’s graduation from college. Some others purchase life insurance policies that will endow when the child reaches the age of majority. No child really has a right to expect such largesse, but it is frequently supplied by those parents who have the resources with which to do so. There is nothing inherently wrong with it, and many children use those gifts wisely.
However, it is dramatically less frequent that parents give their children the gift that always proves to be the most valuable endowment a child can receive. That is the knowledge and understanding that will enable the child to bear fruitful witness to that shed blood. The child who is raised with the understanding that life is not about accumulating earthly treasure but heavenly treasure will enter adulthood with a zeal for the gospel that will stand him or her in very good stead indeed at the judgment seat of Christ, where eternal riches will be meted out to those whose lives have been characterized by faithful service to God.
Every Christian parent ought to be intensely interested in his child’s ability to discuss the cross of Calvary with understanding. No earthly treasure can measure up to the smallest heavenly treasure.
Therefore a man
shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh
(Gen 2:24)
Among human institutions, there is none that rises to the heights of ecstasy or the depths of despair quite like marriage does. The euphoria of the early years of marriage gives way to the drudgery and awful disrespect of the middle years, which in turn give way to the quiet contentment and warm companionship and deep familiarity of old age. A wise man once said that people do not marry for the first twenty-five years, but for the last twenty-five. It seems that the longer one is married, the truer those words become.Dating is about the search for that perfect mate that God has for each of us. Science would say that it is about procreation, and there is surely an element of that in it, but if that was all that dating and marriage were about, there would be no need for any emotional attachment. We’d be like the animals in the forest, and every male would have his “harem.” But emotional attachments are uniquely human. Oh, there are some species of creatures that mate for life, but the general rule is that every male seeks his herd or his flock. Dating is intensely emotional for the most part among young people. They may have some instinctive urge to mate, but the attraction is emotional. They want to be loved. They want to love. They seek a human attachment, the security of company, the self esteem of a mate’s approval.
No one knows what marriage is really all about before they’ve been married for many years. People enter that sacred institution with many preconceived notions of how it will be, and are uniformly shocked to find that it really isn’t about moonlight and roses, but digging in and facing the world together. It is said that love is blind. It is, but only temporarily. Altogether too soon, both parties in a marriage come to realize that their spouses are not the epitome of manhood or saintly womanhood that they thought they were marrying. When the dirty laundry begins to pile up, and the warts and dandruff begin to show themselves, there begins a phase of disillusionment that usually lasts for a long, long time. It is at this point that most divorces happen. All of a sudden, both parties begin to realize that they never really knew the person they are married to. And it’s true. They never did. This, because both parties want to put on a good face, to make a good impression, before they are married. Nobody wants to exhibit every bad quality, because to do so would be to risk losing the person they’re trying to attract. And so, the masks are worn until the rings go on the fingers. Then the masks are removed and it isn’t long before both sides are disillusioned.
That ugly phase of marriage continues until both spouses have reached a place of maturity where they begin again to see the positive traits and attributes of the other. It generally takes about twenty years to make a marriage. The first two or three years are euphoric, the next fifteen to eighteen vary from one degree of drudgery to another as the struggles of acquisition and the raising of children try the patience of both husbands and wives. But then, as the children begin to mature themselves, and the parents have a bit more time to relax together, they both begin to learn that the other isn’t half as bad as the frustrations of the earlier years had led them to believe. This is the point at which marriages become real marriages. But the phase that runs from the honeymoon to silver maturity is what makes the latter years of the marriage worthwhile. It is a time of testing.
Marriages are not built
upon the good times that are enjoyed together, but they are built upon a tough
foundation of the hard times that have been endured together. The closeness of
old age does not derive from jollity and frivolity, but from the seriousness of
arduous obstacles and grievous heartache. When the distance and the disrespect
of the middle years begins to fade, giving way to companionship and warmth and
appreciation, then a couple begins to understand what marriage is really about.
In their youth, it is all fancy dreams and high hopes, all to be dashed by the
vicissitudes of life, with its many crises and unexpected curves. In the middle
years, it is about survival. It is about making it through one more day, one
more year, without breaking. Toward the end of life, it is about togetherness,
like the young folks think when they first begin to date and grow close. In the
end, marriage is not about fun and foolishness. No, most of all, marriage is
about perseverance. It takes great character to stay married in the modern
world.
A
nd the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”(Gen 2:18-24
NKJV)And so did the first marriage happen. In many countries today, marriage is not at all like it was first conceived by God. In fact, this will probably not be a very popular article, or issue of Christian Chronicles, except among those who have a fundamental appreciation for the wisdom of God’s Word and His order in our lives. Nevertheless, if the Bible is to be our guide in every other area of life, it is also our handbook for successful marriages. That some change needs to be made in our more “modern” order is evidenced by the sky-rocketing divorce rates over the last fifty or sixty years. Many marriages are entered into today with the notion of divorce in the forefront of the minds of both the bride and the groom, with prenuptial agreements signed that divide up the assets even before the rings go on the fingers. The breakdown of the family unit has spawned many types of evil, especially, perhaps, in the Western societies. Mankind has reached a point in his New Age philosophy of life and civilization at which millennia-old standards have been dispensed with in favor of what is considered a more rational approach. Hmm… More rational than God. What a bizarre notion that is, and how arrogantly rebellious the hearts that devised it.
Of course, this New Age thinking does not only pertain to marriage, but to child-rearing and nurturing, to personal finance, to that old principle that used to guide us in our relationships with others — simple, personal honor. It is a word not much used today, isn’t it? The code of honor that once governed men without laws or contracts has been replaced with the more modern adage: “All I ask is an honest advantage.” Honor? “It’s a dog-eat-dog world.” That’s how the vast masses of humanity view life today, and we grasp onto the new as we sweep away the old, even as our civilizations are breaking down. Technology has not served to ennoble mankind, but has made us all lazy and greedy. But while it would be fun to build a great polemic against the degrading morals and mores of mankind, this article must necessarily deal with the marriage relationship and its reasons for being instituted in the first place. For the Christian, it is a matter of the greatest importance, and ought to be understood for what it is and for what it portrays.
Have you ever wondered why, given the propensity of most other species of created beings for mating with many, man has the notion that monogamy is the proper order for mankind? It is a fair question. There is, however, an answer that rises above the mundane, all the way into heaven itself. In point of fact, marriage was instituted in the first place as a foreshadowing of the relationship between Christ and the Church, His bride. While there is no hint of this in the Genesis passage, Paul makes the type (see the July issue of CC for an exposition of types) abundantly clear in his letter to the church at Ephesus:
Wives, submit to your
own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the Church; and
He is the Savior of the body.
Therefore, just as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their
own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself
for her,
That He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the
Word,
That he might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or
wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his
wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the
Lord does the Church.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
“For
this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.”
This is a great mystery,
but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.
(Eph 5:22-32 NKJV)
Mankind is monogamous because the relationship between a husband and a wife is typical of the relationship between Christ and the Church. The implications of this are enormous. Husbands and wives are to be toward one another as the Church and Christ are toward each other. When one considers that Christ is the great Creator God Himself, and that the Church is His bride, a chaste virgin betrothed to God, it raises the sanctity of marriage out of the ordinary and into the very spiritual heights of heaven itself. For non-Christians, that probably does not mean very much; but for the Christian, the truths it carries transcend human institutions and bring to human marriage a responsibility of which the world knows little or nothing.
At some point in the past half century, the word “obey” was quietly dropped from the marriage vows spoken by the bride. It is a rare event in today’s world in which a bride willingly agrees to obey her husband. Yet, if the type is true, then if a wife is not to be obedient to her husband, the Church is not to be obedient to Christ, for the former is an earthly illustration of an heavenly reality. A wife refusing her husband’s authority is tantamount to saying that Christians ought to refuse the authority of God Himself. For a wife to refuse her husband’s name, the necessary implication is that a Christian, born again of the very Seed of God (1 Jn 3:9), should refuse to be called a Christian. The devil tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden, appealing to her pride, and seeking to alienate her affection from her husband, creating in her heart such a nuance of rebellion that she would resist his warning not to eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, bringing herself, and ultimately her husband, down. Let us recall that Eve had not yet been created when God warned Adam (Gen 2:17) not to eat of that tree upon penalty of death. Thus, Satan’s temptation of Eve was directed toward the end of making her rebel against her husband. It is clear that Adam had warned Eve of the dangers of eating that tree, for she quoted (albeit incorrectly) that warning in her response to the serpent. Adam had told Eve not to eat of the tree, but the serpent suggested that Adam had lied. He said, “Has God indeed said?” It is at least in part on account of Eve’s being deceived that wives are not permitted to be in authority over their husbands. Hear the words of the Apostle Paul:
Let a woman learn in
silence with all submission.
And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be
in silence.
For Adam was formed first, then Eve.
And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into
transgression.
(1 Tim 2:11-14)
Ah, but this is a two-edged coin! Ladies, do not lose heart! The warnings to the husband in his relationship to his wife are equally important. Far too many men believe that, because a wife is to submit to her husband, the husband is to be like a slave master. Men fail to understand that submission has nothing to do with subjugation. The former is not accomplished by the husband. Rather, the wife is to submit voluntarily. It does not make her in any way “less” than her husband. Indeed, wherever “Wisdom” is personified in the Scriptures, she is always portrayed as a woman, not as a man. It takes far greater character and wisdom to voluntarily submit than it does to subjugate someone else. Submission has to do with “order,” not quality of character or ability. It is a matter of subordination, not of subjugation. The husband who feels that he must “subdue” his wife is one who wholly misunderstands the relationship. Submission is voluntary; subjugation is forced. The wife submits; the husband does not subdue. Submission by a wife to her husband has nothing to do with character, except insofar as it takes a humble heart and great spiritual virtue. It does not in any way imply that a wife is beneath her husband except in voluntarily placing herself in subordination for the sake of rightly portraying her role in the type of the relationship between Christ and the Church. Subordination. Now, there is a word. To subordinate oneself is not an admission that one is less capable. Rather, it is to humbly assume a lower place in the order of things — to “sub order.”
A husband who has a wife who is in voluntary submission to his authority ought not be unkind, but should be so viscerally moved as to treat her with all the more respect. “Cherish” is the way Paul put it. A husband who has a virtuous wife ought to consider himself blessed beyond measure. What do the Scriptures say of a virtuous wife? “...her worth is far above rubies” (Prov 31: 10b) . Indeed, the man whose wife is in voluntary submission is far richer than a man who has a truckload of rubies. Cherish. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as “to treat with affection and tenderness.” From a spiritual perspective, cherish means to treat with an especial value, as one might treat a rare gem, a precious possession, that which is of the very greatest value in his life. Such is the value of a virtuous wife, and so husbands ought to consider their wives.
But the obligation of the husband to the wife goes far beyond appreciation of her value, or gratitude for her loving sacrifice and service. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. Think for just a moment about that. To what length does the love of Christ go toward His bride? What is there that Christ will not do for His bride? What need goes unmet? What intimacy is denied the Christian by God? Oh, Christian! Our Lord will meet any degree of intimacy with an intimacy greater than our own. He never fails to consider our every need, nor does He fail to provide for them. He is intimately aware of our thoughts and feelings, and vitally interested in every word we speak to Him. How very often do Christian counselors hear wives complain that their husbands pay them no attention at all. Again, how often counselors hear husbands deny the God-given wisdom that is inherent in every spiritual woman. Oh! That we were not fallen creatures, and that we might actually understand what precious commodities virtuous wives are!
But we are fallen creatures, and it is fitting that wives do not fully conform to the type of the Church, for the Church is now composed of fallen men and women, who do not conform as they ought to the Scriptural standard as depicted for the bride of Christ. There will come a day in which both husbands and wives fulfill the types perfectly. But today, fallen wives accurately portray the role of fallen men and women who are indeed the bride of Christ, resistant as we are to His will, reluctant as we are to conform to the desires of our Head, Christ. And fallen husbands, though we do not accurately portray the role that Christ fulfills as our Husband, contribute in a vital way to the state of a fallen bride.
What the Scriptures say to women in their portrayal of a fallen bride, they also say to men. For the bride of Christ is not composed of only women, but of men as well. Every Christian man is as much a bride to Christ as every Christian woman, and all of the admonitions that pertain to women in marriage also pertain to every Christian man in relationship to Christ. Thus, men must read and understand the role of women thoroughly if they are to serve Christ in any way remotely applicable to what is right. When men do not treat their wives with the respect due the bride of Christ, they demean, not only Christ, but themselves as well, for it is right and proper that they treat their wives as Christ treats the Church, His own bride.
Editor’s Note:
It is with a sense of humility and great honor that the Editor of this publication has chosen a woman to write this article, in deference to the sensibilities of women around the world. Sensitively written, the article portrays the role of man in marriage from the perspective of a spiritual woman. It is neither wife-baiting nor husband-bashing, but reflects an accurate portrayal of the husband’s and father’s proper role in the home as seen by God, man, and woman. Tara Tourangeau, a regular contributor to Christian Chronicles, wrote this article.
A righteous man who
walks in his integrity; how blessed are his sons after him.
For the husband is head of the wife. So husbands ought to love their own wives
as their own bodies.
(Prov. 20:7; Eph. 5:23,28)
The man as father – “And you, fathers…bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Although both fathers and mothers play an important role in the spiritual development of their children, it is, in Ephesians 6:4, the father who is singled out for the task of training and discipline. And Proverbs 4:1-5 is another example of this: “Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. When I was a boy in my father's house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, ‘Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.’” This is perhaps better understood when we look at the Church, which is an antitype of woman. She certainly does have a part in the training and discipline of God’s children, but it is, nevertheless, the primary role of Christ, her Husband and Head. But today in the home, much, and oftentimes all, of that responsibility is ignored by the father and shouldered by the mother. While children look primarily to their mothers for emotional security, they look to their fathers for training and discipline.
The training of a child isn’t something a father simply sits down and does every now and then, but rather teaching them spiritual truths should be a part of their lives; something incorporated into their lives day after day. “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deut. 6:7). According to Scripture, the responsibility for the spiritual education of a child is not given to the Sunday School teacher. It has been given to fathers. The father then must, of necessity, be himself educated in the things pertaining to God, diligent in the study of His Word and in communion with Him daily.
The Apostle Paul tells us, again in the sixth chapter of Ephesians, that the key to children enjoying life is the learning of obedience. The Biblical role of fathers is to represent God the Father to their children. When children are taught to take their father’s words seriously, that is the initial step in teaching them to pay earnest heed to the Words of their heavenly Father. It is the father who walks in integrity whose words are regarded by his children. The instructions for Abraham are fitting here: “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just” (Gen. 18:19). A father is to teach his children to observe closely his words and he is to value those words enough to back them up in his own actions. This is integrity.
The same is true for the father who diligently supports his wife in what she says. Another important aspect of the father’s role in the home is his relationship with his wife. It has been said: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” When children see that their father loves and protects their mother, they are secure knowing they themselves are loved by him and safe in his care. In a home with children, the role of father and husband are inseparable.
The man as husband – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25). Jim Kirkwood writes concerning husbands, “It is much too easy for the husband to consider the proof and expression of his love to consist of his provision for the family, maintenance of the home, faithfulness in the sexual realm, etc. But here is where he errs, simply because he is looking at their relationship from his male standpoint without adequately taking into account the female point of view. All harmony requires balance!” The female point of view he speaks of here is very much akin to the point of view of a man’s children. Although it is love that is the most basic need of a wife, she knows whether she is truly loved, not by the things she possesses from his hand, but simply by looking at her husband’s honesty, his incorruptibility. The wife knows who her husband is, whether he is a man of integrity, whether she can trust him. It is the man who possesses honor with whom a woman can feel genuinely loved (as opposed to needed, for that is not love at all) and perfectly secure.
Men will quote Genesis 3:16 without a clue as to the immensity of the responsibility that is involved and the demands placed upon him in his “rule over her.” The proper role of a wife is to submit to her husband, but it isn’t in this submission itself that a man comes to rule over her. The husband must first rule before the wife can submit. Husbands long to know how to rule over their wives just as women long to submit to that rule, simply because each in their proper role fulfills what God has designed them to be. Submission is indeed the responsibility of the wife but it is not by coercion, either physical or emotional or both, that a husband fulfills his role as ruler, for the outcome of forced submission is not real submission at all, but rather subjugation. One is compliance and the other is conquest. A man is fulfilling his proper role as the head of his wife, not when he bends his wife’s will to his own, but when she bends her own will to his, willingly. Why do we submit to Christ? Because we are forced to? No, but because He loves us and gave Himself for us. The wife delights in pleasing the husband who sincerely loves, cherishes and protects her.
In this insightful quote by Douglas Wilson, he explains the great responsibility resting upon the husband as head of his wife in the covenant of marriage: “At the heart of this covenantal relationship is the issue of responsibility. When there is genuine federal headship, the head as representative assumes responsibility for the condition of the members of the covenant body. This is why we can say that when Adam disobeyed in the garden, we were there sinning in and with him. And this is why we can say that when Christ obeyed in the garden, submitting to the will of the Father, we were there obeying in and with Him … One of the most difficult things for modern men to understand is how they are responsible for their wives. Men come into a pastoral marriage counseling session with the assumption that ‘she has her problems,’ and ‘I have mine,’ and the counselor is here to help us split the difference. But the husband is responsible for all the problems. This is the case for no other reason than that he is the husband. This does not mean that the wife has no personal responsibility as an individual before God. She certainly does, just as her husband has individual responsibility. They are both private persons who stand before God. But he remains the head, and just as Christ as the Head assumes all the responsibility for all the sins of all His people, so the husband is to assume covenant responsibility for the state of his marriage… A husband can no more blame his wife for the state of their marriage than a thief can blame his hands [emphasis is the author’s].” The responsibility of the husband is enormous, a responsibility not at all envied by the author. But by the husband assuming such responsibility, he is led, not into judgment for all that goes wrong, but rather into the ability to function as God has so designed him to function as the head of the body. Thus it is only here, in God’s plan for him, that liberty is found.
Although we talk about the “role” of the father and husband, being a husband and father are not really about playing a role at all; it is being that which the man does. If it only be outward show, there is no integrity and the degree to which the father walks in integrity is the degree to which his children will do likewise in adulthood and the degree to which his wife will honor and respect him. Man is indeed the head, just as Christ is Head of the Church, and it is the head which directs the body. A husband, as a type of Christ, and a father, as a reflection of his heavenly Father, has the greatest of responsibilities in the home as he leads his family, just as the head the body, wherever he wills.
A Father's Responsibility ~by Hugh Sherrill Jr.
I remember years ago hearing the late Dr. M. R. De Haan say, “The nearest thing to heaven on earth is a Christian family in a Christian home.” He went on to say something to this effect: that in the ideal home each member feels wanted and needed. The Christian home is the place where a world of strife is shut out and oceans of love are shut in.
I am sure he knew back then, and we know even more so now, that Christian families, and individual Christians, are becoming a rare commodity. The pressures of this life, financial worries, young people rebelling, etc., are putting a strain on many homes. Yes, even Christian homes.
You may agree that this is true. So, what can be done about it? Of course, we who are Christian know that God holds all the answers and we just need to look to Him, in His Word, to find the answers. The Bible, God’s Word, is our sole authority. Sometime ago, I heard a story of a little boy who one day told his Mom. “Look, Mom, I am nine feet tall.” The Mom smiled and said, “What makes you say that?” The little boy responded, “I made myself a ruler, and it says I am 9 feet tall.”
I told you this story to illustrate what many people today are doing with God’s Holy Word. They are making it say what they want it to say. Let us see what it really says about the family.
Genesis tells us that God created man, and for a companion for man, God created woman. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh”.
After the fall into sin in the Garden of Even, immediately after He prophesied the coming of the Messiah in Genesis 3:15, God follows that promise with these words: “...I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Because of the deception of Eve in Eden, God made man the head of the family; not as a dictator, but one who rules his house with love.
One of the greatest tragedies in this age in which we live is that man has forsaken his responsibilities as the head of the home. He has forsaken his responsibilities in raising his children. He has forsaken his responsibilities in the church. Because of this, he has left woman to do things that God never intended for her to do, in both the church and the home.
Now I know some of the problems come from wives not submitting themselves to their husbands, as the Scripture states in Ephesians 5:22-23 and 1 Peter 3:1, but maybe this too is the fault of the husband for not taking charge of the home as he should. The most important part of any marriage and home is spiritual unity. Husband and wife must share a common faith in Jesus as Savior. Amos 3:3 ask: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed”? No marriage can truly be Christian unless both parties obey the Biblical demand for mutual love and respect.
The husband, as head of the home, is to take and be given charge of the home. The role of being head of the home is a privilege, but also a tremendous responsibility. This responsibility means he has to put away all of his selfishness and always seek what is best for the home, of which he is the head.
The father must be an example for his children. It is often said that a child conceives of God in the image of his own father. The Bible speaks of God as the Father. We are told to pray, “Our Father, who art in Heaven...” If the father is unjust in administering punishment to the children and makes himself feared, the children will be more likely to fear God than to trust Him. If the father has no repentance of sin in his life, and does not demand that the wife and children walk respectably, then the children will come to believe that it doesn’t matter that much to God. The father must lead by example. Jesus’ call is to come follow Him; to walk as He walks.
The father is a prophet in the home. The prophet speaks for God and he is to read and teach the Bible to his children (Eph 6:4). The father/prophet is to teach God’s Word to his family. Too many times the children are bussed off to a church and the father passes his responsibility to the church. This should not be so.
The father is a priest in his home. He is to lead his family in worship as the family priest. He is to be sure his family prays and studies God’s Word by leading them often in study and prayer. Someone once said a child is to be pitied who has never heard his father pray (see 1 Tim 2:8).
On my way to church every Sunday morning, I pass by a golf course. I see men by the hundreds lined up to tee off. Many of them have left their wives with all the responsibility of getting the children up and getting them dressed and getting them to Sunday School and church. This should not be so. As I talk to other pastors, I am told that the women outnumber the men at a ratio of 4 to 1 in churches. I know in my own church, and others, it is hard to get some men to take an active role of leadership in the church. Sometimes this forces the women to do things they are not supposed to do just to keep the church doors open.
Our homes, our churches, our cities, our nations would be so much stronger and certainly much more pleasing to God if men would reclaim their rightful position in the home.
Men stand up! Do your job! My prayer today is
that every man who reads this will answer this question affirmatively: “Am I
doing the job in my home that God expects me to do or have I entrusted my
responsibility to someone else?”
But from the beginning
of the creation
God made them male and female.
For this reason a man shall leave
His father and mother
And be joined to his wife, and the two
Shall be one flesh;
So then they are no longer two,
but one flesh.
Therefore, what God has joined together
Let no man separate.
(Mk 10:6-9)
Do you know that about fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce? It has been made so easy to divorce, one can go online and get a divorce for as little as two hundred fifty dollars. Are we as people becoming that fickle? These statistics are very alarming to anyone, but especially to the Christian community. Do you realize that the fifty percent divorce rate is also the same in the Christian community?
In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” God thus began the institution of marriage. Is man so bold as to say that God was wrong?
God gave man the most blessed gift: Woman. Man was given someone to spend his worldly life on earth with; to share his experiences; to fill a great void in his life; to rear children. A good woman brings much joy to the marriage. She, and only she, can make a man whole; yet, man can simply discard a wife as easily as he takes a bath.
God tells us to live with our wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of God, so that our prayers will not be hindered.
Men, love, honor, and protect the blessings God gave you — your wives. They are more than beautiful. A wife completes a man in all areas of his life. She not only takes care of the household, but understands her husband better than he understands himself. There whenever he needs her, a husband should enjoy his wife until the rapture, for this is pleasing to God.
So men and women hold onto what you have, because you were blessed with love in your marriage. Keep it strong and be of joy, knowing that you live in love and not in fear.
Because of the hardness of men’s hearts, Moses allowed husbands to divorce their wives. Jesus tells us that it is not God’s order, however. Divorce is never a proper option, under any circumstances. Marriage is for life, for better or worse. Sometimes people do divorce, but it is rarely because God would have it so. The modern notion of marriage is one in which many people enter into that union with the idea that, if it doesn’t work out, they can always get a divorce. That is a great contributor to today’s divorce rates. It ought not be so.
A Man Shall Leave His Father & Mother
There is a reason why the many clichés that have to do with Mothers-in-Law are spoken from the husband’s point of view. It’s probably not something many people think about, but that is as it should be. Isn’t it interesting that everywhere the Genesis passage is repeated in the Scriptures, it never says that a wife shall leave her mother and father, but that a man shall leave his father and mother? And isn’t it interesting that, in most marriages, it is the wife’s family who is cared for by her husband rather than his own family? It used to be that families were large, with many brothers and sisters in each home. Now, the trend is toward smaller families, but the principle remains that it is the daughters who care for their parents, while the sons tend to care for their wives’ families. There is an old saying that goes something like this: “A son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life.”
The Biblical order of life is not some arbitrarily imposed “rule.” Rather, God created us in a certain way, giving us the natures that we have. As we order our lives according to Scriptural principles, we find that internal conflicts dissipate. Wives should certainly love their husbands’ families, affording them the respect they deserve, but it is incumbent upon the husband to “take on” his wife’s family. It is not the Biblical way of things for no reason at all, but the Bible prescribes this order because it is in accordance with the nature that God gave us when He created us.
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